You’ve made it just in time for today’s story. Get comfortable….
….OR I’LL GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT WITH A SHARP STICK AND WEAR THEM ON MY FINGERS!!
Sorry, I can get a little overeager sometimes.
Today, we have a very special book. It’s one my mother used to read to me. This is Bad, Bad Bunny Trouble. I hope you enjoy.
Yup, there’s the book.
Yeah, fuck sisters! Well, I mean, not fuck sisters…unless you like that kind of thing. I like this Ralph already. Now wait just a minute, why does he need to get dressed? He’s a fucking rabbit. Is “rats” a racial slur in this world?
No, trust me, Ralph, you don’t want coffee ca—-OH MY GOD HE SPAT ON IT. No wonder his mother is a goddamn nazi! Imagine having to deal with this little shit on a daily basis. Go on Mama Rabbit, smack that boy upside the head!
Screams? Ominous chanting? Jesus Christ, what the fuck now?! Is it the Death Eaters?
Maybe she’s just so sick of dealing with him it’s like yeah, foxes. You can have him. He is dead to us already. He spat on the fucking coffee cake.
Also, that was the rabbit community’s only source of food for the year. They will all starve to death this winter. Way to go, Ralph.
Now what’s happening? You pissed a bunch of foxes off. You egged them, dumped paint on them… You don’t know the meaning of “playing with fire”, do you? They’re probably gonna forget about the attic window, break down the door, use their noses to find your family’s Holocaust hidey-hole, and do some murderin’.
OH HOLY SHIT I GUESSED RIGHT! I don’t know how useful that soccer ball’s going to be, though. I mean, who sees a soccer ball and thinks, “Oh, a soccer ball. Someone must be in mortal peril”? Ten to one that ball gets ignored, Ralph.
Also those foxes actually look pretty good in all that paint and egg goo.
Oh, my god, that poor pig. Something fell out of a chicken’s asshole directly onto his head. What if that egg was fertilized? That’s like a teen mom having a miscarriage on your face. I hope there’s animal therapists in this universe.
God damn it, Hans Wilhelm. Truly you are a master of suspense. You put Hitchcock to shame. This story could go anywhere from here.
Okay, so let me get this straight, Ralph acts like a complete dick all fuckin’ afternoon, and even manages to steal his sister’s birthday party for himself. I must learn this voodoo….
Well, that was a lot of fun, wasn’t it? You know, as much fun as it is to read with a friend, you can also have a great time reading on your own! But don’t take my word for it, check it out for yourself!