Dr Slabflapper Analyzes Matt’s Dream Journal

Believe it or not, my chocolates, I don’t spend all of my time plotting world domination and the assassination of the current castdaddy. In 2003, I graduated from the University of Hinterschtrüdel in Munich with a PhD in psychology and behavioral sciences.

Oh, the babes. Needless to say, I’m much smarter than those UTTER FOOLS who work on this so-called “website” and that wretched podcast that SOMEDAY WILL BE MINE!!

Anyway, in light of the upcoming elections, I think you should all know who you’re voting for an what makes them tick.

I found some records of Matthew’s dreams on that USED SANITARY NAPKIN he calls a blog. Let’s take a look, shall we?

Oh, wonderful. Either he can’t spell or the foolish masturbator has narcolepsy. What other explanation can there be for so many Es? Maybe he is dumb! Ha ha! What a grievous insult! You hear that Matthew? I called you dumb! You big dummy! Sit there in your dumbness and be SHAMED.

FOOLISH MASTURBATOR! If you knew anything at all you would know that a hobo never parts with his possessions. It is tradition for them to be buried with their shopping carts! I find it helps keep the police off-track…

NOT ONLY THAT but there is no such thing as a hobo will. They aren’t fully human and therefore do not deserve wills.

Your entire dream seems to be predicated on your own material gain! This I approve of! But why would your subconscious so  strongly desire collectible cardboard circles? Was there even a Slammer in there?

Yes….YESSSS…perhaps the man WAS HOMELESS due to investing heavily in Pogs on the stock market, and when the cardboard circle market suddenly dried up, he lost everything, his friends, his wife and children, his home, and finally his life. And all YOU do is make a joke about it. Look at this. I ASK YOU, WORTHLESS PUBLIC, is this the kind of man you want in charge? At least I tell you I’m evil.

As you can plainly see, Matthew is an immature little baby bitch, regressing back into childhood when presented with death. He takes refuge in the toys and immature lust of his youth instead of dealing with real-world issues.

I ASK YOU, VILE PUBLIC! Do you want a man like this in charge? A childish man who shirks responsibility? Or I, Slabflapper, MASTER OF EVIL AND CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY?

  Choose wisely in January.

About Random Assault

Random Assault is a collabaration of nerds who get together every Sunday to talk about whatever they want on their show Random Assault Podcast. What makes us unique is that we bring on guests from all walks of life who are just as passonate about entertainment as we are, guests including you! Just drop us a line and we'll put you on the list of guests, it's that easy!
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2 Responses to Dr Slabflapper Analyzes Matt’s Dream Journal

  1. fuckpoop says:

    If that means you won’t let kake post those “articles” then I’m all for it.

  2. I have to admit…this is pretty spot on

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