The Top Ten Most Super-Awesome, Santa Fucking, Holly-Jolly Jam Christmas Songs EVER!

Random Assault, Christmas, awesome, great, amazing, music,song,songs, sweet,Alex, Matt, Mitch, Tony, Kate, Drew, Video Game, Beggar, Money, Rich, Filth, Liar, cash, poorI’m sorry. Did my last Top Ten make me seem like a total Scrooge? I may have forgotten a very important point. I FUCKING LOVE CHRISTMAS! Next to Halloween, it’s the best holiday around. I get it, some people can’t stand the holiday at all and, you know what, do whatever you want. More power to ya. But this world is so awful and everyone is so damn mean that we need to MAKE UP a holiday season so people can PRETEND to be nice to one another and FAKE caring. It’s sad but true and, if that IS the only way, I’m going to enjoy it before it’s over. Peace, love, joy, family (or those you have) and selflessness. It one of the few things in this world that actually warms my heart. This list was actually WAAAAY easier to write than my hate one (which it’s weird because it’s usually the opposite for everything and everybody.) But these are some great songs. So here are the songs that me even more excited for Christmas than I already am:

10. ” I saw Three Ships”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7jZXkxcIgM

Okay, so this isn’t that great. That’s why it’s first (or…last.) But this little song is so simple it’s actually a nice contrast to the rest of the BIG Christmas songs we hear all month. It’s like a little relaxer. With a simple piano (sometimes light background music) this song put a little hop in your step as it takes you into an intermission for what’s to come.

9. “Jingle Bells”

(No Link Available. Impossible to find.)

This is the song that defines Christmas for me. Yeah, a little cliché, but when I hear “Christmas” this is what rings through my head first and foremost. It’s got a kicky, upbeat melody that is carried by the lead instrument rather than the drums and it’s never sung without enthusiasm even though the concept is the stupidest thing in the world. Great!

8. “Sleigh Ride”

More specifically, This version : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xa-hTXE72G0 and this version : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjagSVRTyPs

Again, another song that is lead by the lead instrument with an upbeat. It puts you such a good mood. It’s like no one cares about ANYTHING except this sleigh ride. THAT’S the true point of Christmas. No matter how bad things are, no matter how miserable or unfair, it’s Christmas RIGHT NOW. Enjoy the few moments and this song really gets that across.

7. “Gloria”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reHnz__eo40

I’m choosing this version to show that this song is awesome whether it’s classical, modern or chorus driven (plus,an ex of mine played it so much I kinda love it now.) This is a song that I’ve heard many versions of. There’s been fast, slow, melodic, basic, sweet, loud and they are all good. Like some of the upcoming entries, this song has something in that makes it work on so many levels. It hits you with a powerful sense of meaning even if you don’t know what that meaning is. It’s all in the music… and not the instruments. It’s the music itself. Because, as I said, there’s been many versions and they are all impactful in their own way.

6. “Christmas Wrapping”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SzjDOk_u9I

This song by The Waitresses is one that I really want to hate. I really do. This woman voice is so unnerving and it gets really off beat sometimes. But, try as I might, every time this song comes on, I listen to it to the end. I can’t figure out why either. I have to give a song credit if it makes me want to listen when I’m trying so hard not to like it. There’s just something that I can’t put my finger on and that alone bumps it further up my list.

5. “Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sooHzHHh4kM

We’ve all heard this song a million times. But no matter how many times I hear it, I still get that same vision of that silly old man snowman smiling and screaming in my face “HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS!” This guy is just having so much fun with this song. I’m, of course, only speaking for the original, but I could listen to this everyday (and I do at work) and still not have it piss me off. It’s always fun and always energetic. It is the best time of the year. GET OVER IT!

4. “Snowmiser – Heatmiser”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yon2YuXssvo

Here’s more pure fun. This music is full on. It seems like every note is played to its full extent. Each piano key is slammed and every horn is blown until the performer is purple-faced. Yeah, it’s stupid. But that’s the point. they’re loving it and it doesn’t matter. And, you know what, you’re tapping your toe to it right now as it plays in your head.

3. “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

Known by all, this anti-Christmas song has some of the best music around. It’s jazzy, but not to the point of being awful and messy. It’s classic, without being overdone and cliché (populous not included.) Plus, it’s sung by Thurl Arthur fucking Ravenscroft. VOICE OF TONY THE TIGER! While every version of this song that I’ve heard has been awesome, the original has yet to be beaten and his voice is the zenith that makes that goal so hard to reach. Christ, it makes me want to break into people’s houses and steal stuff just in hopes of hearing this song.

2. “It Happened in Sun Valley”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5L5LXFqEQ8M

Now, this one, not many people may know. It really doesn’t get the radio time that is deserves. This is such a fun song. The music a fast paced, but still retains that sweetness you’re looking for in the season. It’s the perfect fit for a winter scene and the vocals, in all versions, are cheerful and so filled with emotion or being filled to the brim with love that it slips into your ears and immediately attacks your heart with feeling. So, if it’s so great, why isn’t it number one? Well, to be honest, it actually kind of chokes me up. The idea of a silly accident bringing two people together and them going back every Christmas to relive it (not to mention how everything else is put together) almost makes me tear up even having heard it so many times. I don’t like to cry on Christmas. Not even from happiness. So it lost some points for being TOO impactful to me. Surprisingly, the best version (without bias, I promise) is the South Park cover. I LOVE this version and even getting this link is choking me up a little. Give it a listen.

1. “Carol of the Bells”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TFrO8c_kVQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vNcGlM8O3I

I have to give this song more credit than I can exemplify. Not only has it been around forever and still have the lasting power to get me in so many different moods, but it also made me give Metallica credit (which is something I try to avoid at all costs.) This song… Oh man. I LOVE this song so much. Whether it’s done fast, slow, instrumental, a capella it doesn’t matter. There is something about the scale and note progression that makes this song influential to so many emotions. It can make you feel happy, soothed, inspired. It can be dramatic, calming, joyful… but never bad. Never bad in any way. I honestly look forward to this song every Christmas and I never get sick of hearing it.

About Random Assault

Random Assault is a collabaration of nerds who get together every Sunday to talk about whatever they want on their show Random Assault Podcast. What makes us unique is that we bring on guests from all walks of life who are just as passonate about entertainment as we are, guests including you! Just drop us a line and we'll put you on the list of guests, it's that easy!
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5 Responses to The Top Ten Most Super-Awesome, Santa Fucking, Holly-Jolly Jam Christmas Songs EVER!

  1. Aeshir says:

    Louisiana Christmas Day by Aaron Neville! Had this cassette for as a long as I can remember.

  2. SerpentineZero says:

    No Fairytale of New York, eh? Admittedly, it’s kind of a darker, more melancholy, and drunk song, and not very jolly (ok, i answered my own question) but it’s like a good version of Last Christmas.

    • Bloody Shadow says:

      Fairytale of New York lost it’s charm FAST. Plus, I had a pretty major ex that played in NON. FUCKING. STOP. I’m quite sick of it,

      -Alex

  3. Jeremy Risberg says:

    Alex, you asshole!!!! What the fuck!!!!!????? I just read your list of the “top 10 most super-awesome, santa fucking, holly-jolly jam christmas songs ever” and was disturbed to find that Run-DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis” did not make that list. What the fucking fuck???!!!! Are you so ignorant as to have never experienced the awesomeness of this song or do you just hate Run-DMC? You must have been raised by a bunch of incestuous, racist, christian fundamentalists who shelter their offspring from the beauty that is hip-hop. Any list of the greatest Christmas songs that does not include “Christmas in Hollis” is an absolute disgrace to Jesus and all of humanity. That’s like having a list of the greatest actors without including Bill Paxton. If you want to save any scrap of credibility that you might still have, I recommend you listen to this holiday classic and modify your list to include it at the #1 spot, you pointy haired dildo.
    -Merry Christmas!!! From your friend, Dr. Richard Stuffinbum, M.D. Urology

  4. D’aww. it’s comments like this that make me feel like a jarnalist.

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