Where The Fuck Are You?: 7 Missing Games of this Generation

So, I was flipping through a stack of old video game magazines, as I am wont to do. I like reading speculation about the fabled abilities of the then-mysterious PS2. I liked laughing at articles claiming that Gran Turismo 5 was going to be the bee’s knees.

Then it hit me, this generation is almost over. We are almost six years in, ladies and gentlefucks. And as I flipped through the previews, I realized hey, we STILL don’t have these games, goddamn it.

So let’s take a look at some the games we were promised a long time ago that still haven’t materialized.

Announced: 2007

Release Date: Who the fuck knows

 

Rockstar’s PS3-exlusive Cold War thriller has been dangled in front of our noses for five years now. It was kinda-sorta announced at Sony’s 2007 E3 conference, and then finally given a name and title in 2009. Even now, we don’t really know jack shit about the game, aside from a few screens posted in a Rockstar employee’s resume.  Given what Rockstar’s done with dramatic video game storytelling in Grand Theft Auto IV and Red Dead Redemption, I’m sure we’re in good hands. Just hurry the fuck up already.

Announced: 2006

Release Date: Fall 2012 (?)

 

 

 

I love me some aliens. Those phallic, slimy motherfuckers make for some damn good shootery action. And if there’s one thing Gearbox does well it’s shootery action. Duke Nukem Forever notwithstanding. To sweeten the deal, the story was written by the Battlestar Galactica (and now CSI) writing team of Bradley Thompson and David Weddle.

Set between Aliens and Alien 3, the game follows a group of Marines investigating the whereabouts of the Sulaco, the ship that brought Ripley back to LV 426 in Aliens.

Announced: 2009

Release Date: Who the fuck knows

 

 

Ico and Shadow of the Colossus are two of the most stunningly beautiful games in the PlayStation 2’s enormous library. The minimalistic storytelling, peaceful yet unsettling atmosphere, and the wonderful use of silence and quiet moments make these games rare gems indeed.The one trailer we have gotten is so beautiful it makes me cry.

Despite the 2009 up there, this game has been hinted at since the PS3 was birthed out of Sony’s Japan-vagina, and every time the rumoured release date draws near, it’s pushed back yet again. I’m glad they’re letting Ueda take his time with his art, but I don’t think it’s a good sign when E3 goes by without any mention of the project.

 

Announced: 2006

Release Date: lol
In 2006, Final Fantasy XIII was announced along with a crapton of sequels, spin-offs, and tie-in games, forming a series called the Fabula Nova Crystalis. Versus was one such title, an action RPG using a modified Kingdom Hearts battle system unrelated to any of the other games.

At first I was intrigued. I thought Crisis Core was pretty good, and I wouldn’t mind another action oriented Final Fantasy title. But as the years go by, and there’s still no sign of a release date in sight, I’ve just become resentful of the project. I know there won’t be a Kingdom Hearts III until the dev team finished this unending nightmare. Fuck you, Square.

Beginning to see a trend with PS3 exclusives?

The Outsider

The Outsider has led me to believe I am crazy. And no, it has nothing to do with Pony Boy or staying gold. I saw exactly one PSM preview waaaay back when, but now I can’t even find an announcement date or a logo. From what little we know, the game seemed somewhat reminiscent of Heavy Rain and the Jason Bourne films. It stars a CIA operative in Washington framed for some sort of crime and becoming a fugitive. It was to be cinematic, story driven gameplay, with a focus on Bourne style hand-to-hand.

In the one statement I could find, development has ceased, but the project is not canceled. Because that’s always a good sign. Frontier Developments has instead given us Kinectimals. Whee.

Half Life 3

Half Life 2: Episode 2 ended on an agonizing cliffhanger. The Portal series is definitely involved somehow. And yet we still haven’t heard anything about the final chapter, aside from some possible concept art and vauge statements from Valve. I know they like being secretive. And I know that of late they have a raging boner for Left 4 Dead and Portal sequels, but come on. Throw us Freeman junkies a bone, will ya?

Beyond Good & Evil 2

Announced: 2008

Release Date: The 12th of Never

BGE was one of those games that was beloved by critics and ignored by the unwashed masses, so for a long time it looked like there wouldn’t even be a sequel. The original was clearly the prelude to something larger, and it was a shame to think it would never be resolved. Thankfully, a trailer was unveiled in 2008, but it was annoyingly vague.

Ever since then, the sequel has been continually pushed back, either in favour of more bankable projects or for more “polishing”. I’m glad we got Rayman Origins out of the development hiatus, but the wait has been excruciatingly long. BGE 2 is now being target at the next generation of consoles, and thus the cycle begins anew.

Honourable Mentions

I Am Alive – First heard of this in 2009. Coming out in March this year. Do want.

Aliens RPG (Obsidian)Mass Effect-style gameplay in the Aliens universe? Y U CANCEL??

Kingdom Hearts III – There’s been more and more buzz surrounding this game, since the 3DS entry Dream Drop Distance is said to be the final spinoff/sidestory before the main plot resumes in KH3. But you know, Versus XIII….

Any of you fucks got games you’ve been anticipating for years, only to have them never materialize? Let us know in the comments or on Facebook.

 

About Random Assault

Random Assault is a collabaration of nerds who get together every Sunday to talk about whatever they want on their show Random Assault Podcast. What makes us unique is that we bring on guests from all walks of life who are just as passonate about entertainment as we are, guests including you! Just drop us a line and we'll put you on the list of guests, it's that easy!
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3 Responses to Where The Fuck Are You?: 7 Missing Games of this Generation

  1. You’re forgetting Star Wars Battlefront III. EPIC FAIL GUYS COME ON!

    • Having never played a Battlefront game, it didn’t even cross my mind. Also, was Battlefront III even announced? All the games on this list were at one point actually in development.

  2. agturbo says:

    Alan Wake, and Red Dead Redemption were games that were finally released after 5 years of saying it was in development, but there has been no news of Battlefront III being announced.

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